Starting up-I hope

Once again Bonnie has suggestd I start blogging again. Just can't imagine what I could say to get started. The depression has been relentless this year. Kind of an on one month off one month kind of thing. The persistenc of it has me discouraged and kind of defeated Feels like I can't commit to anything without the fear of having to back out if the darkness descends. I always try to keep at the things I have planned when it sets in but to no avail. The slide down hill seems inevitable. Have long been questioned about strategies for keeping th clouds at bay and preventing the slide before it gets bad. So far I haven't been able to come up eith strategies to accomplish that. Feel like I have heard it all when it comes to therapy and well meaning suggestions. Withdrawing isn't the best thing to do but seems like the only alternative. Thank heavens for email and Facebook to stay in touch. Will have to go back to the list of thnigs to do that I found online. Of course they all seem impossible in face oaf thaae darkness.

One thing to remember is to let everyone know that no matter how powerless they feel to help, they do help more than they'lsl ever know. Also think about how your pain might help others.

Today's breast cancer joke

I was lookiing at a blouse on Ebay, and found that the measurement of the bust might be too tight. Then I reminded myself that that might not be something to worry about if I have a mastecotomy!

What a joke

Getting started seems to be the theme of the week. I'm here on the couch, having moved the laptop to my lap. I'm wondering if keeping it on the desk is a better idea as it gets me off the couch. But at least I just called Lois and got the schedule straight for tomorrow. I think part of the problem is that I just continue to enjoy the present moment so much that I forget the chores of the day. So continue with the list. I need to do the bank and pay the mortgage and pay that dern Verizon bill which actually I think I have already paid! Have already made a couple of phone calls this morning. Trouble is I tend to start and stop with the chores. I know it is ok to take it easy since I did eject myself out of bed for 33 years but let's get moving. I guess the only way to get in gear is like Charlie's method for getting the first sentences written. Just do it.

So now I have caught up on all my email. Another thing I had been procrastinating about. Now to go stare off into space until time to call the credit card people!

Bonnie's assignment was to start journaling again. How easy to start the day just sitting with a cup of coffee and doing nothing. The major issue right now seems to be inertia. I'm always talking to myself about the things I need to do yet saving them to do another day. I find, too, that a lot of my time is spent waiting for something I've planned. Of course I could always just accept the inertia and enjoy it as sipping coffee and staring into space is part of retirement. Remember Tim's recommendation? Perhaps there are a couple of things I can do to help. First try scheduling a day with nothing planned. Will I spend it doing nothing or getting things done? Does it really matter? I'm less scared of having an unprogramed day then I am just enjoying other people's company. Knowing that should help me to let go for a day or two and just be or get things done or a combination of the two. Perhaps going back to listing the things I need to do in the planning book would help. Giving myself deadlines might be a good idea too. After all I have been needing to get the issue with the credit card resolved for a couple of weeks. And getting that done could open up all kinds of possibilities. Just shutting up and doing something is probably the best way to go. So as soon as it is a reasonable hour I'll call about the credit card. After all remember Charlie's prescription about getting the cover letter for that job written. I'll go start the list too. After all I did get a blog entry done.

Hard to believe it has been since August that I have posted anything. A thousand and one reasons have kept it from happening. Thought I would try some lists of things I don't miss about work and the things that I do. As I've started enumerating in my head, the I do list stays short!

Things I don't miss about work.

No windows. Seeing the light of day and feelling fresh air has been one of this month's great pleasures. At some point I want to think about this more and look at the consequences of 30 years in a windowless hell hole.

People who can't find things.

Things out of place.

Whining adolescents.

Co workers who come in late and leave early.

Oops feel the need of a nap coming on. Will be back.